Codependency: In A Relationship With My Toilet
Written by Katie Connelly, Founder & CEO of Badass with a Bad Ass, IBD and workplace accommodations advocate.
My longest-running relationship, outside of the one I have with myself, is the one I have with my toilet and my bathroom.
Growing up, I always said I would not be one of those love-struck women who only think of their partner all the time. Yet, here I am at the age of 29 having a hard time doing anything without my partner. She is always there for me when my Crohn’s Disease is at its worst and provides me with that security I need.
I am, of course, referencing the long-term relationship I am in with my own bathroom. I always hoped it would get easier as the years went on, that society would eventually catch up on the number of public toilets that are needed and would start building them to be more comfortable for those who use them frequently. Instead, I am stuck in a co-dependent relationship that I wish I could get out of but have yet to be reassured that I will find something comparable.
My Experience with Crohn’s Disease
I have had Inflammatory Bowel Disease, i.e. Crohn’s Disease, for 20 years now. When I was 15 years old I had 13 inches of my small intestine removed, along with having half of my bladder reconstructed with my own fat due to fistulas growing between the two.
It took me over a year to fully recover, and most of that year was spent bedridden. Currently, I have another fistula, this time in the coveted perianal region, which makes me think I need to use the restroom more often than I do. My bathroom needs are barely apparent to me sometimes because so many of my days are different. The one fact remains true though – I love my bathroom more than any of the ones I see out in the world.
My bathroom and I have been through a lot, and she knows how to calm me down to get me to go. Even when I try to grow out of this relationship, flares like I’ve had this summer bring me right back. During a flare, I find myself running to my partner (toilet) often, and spending more time than I wanted to with her.
Every time I try and venture off into the unknown, I have been greeted with what is unfortunately a part of the dating scene now. Bathroom lines, out-of-order signs, no poo-pouri, or only one toilet available. I have been convinced I will never get out of this relationship.
My life is an endless series of trying to learn how to be ok with all of this, while still enjoying my life. It is a hard balance of learning how to live outside of this relationship, while also experiencing the pain and discomfort of both my disease and this codependency. I have promised myself I will keep fighting for equality until all bathrooms feel like my own relationship.
Making the World More Accessible for the IBD Community
I am not alone in this relationship status nor with issues relating to bathroom needs. The IBD community lives on the same spectrum of unpredictable urgency days or the opposite side of being constipated.
Either side of the spectrum means we need more time in the bathroom to relax to be able to go. We cannot forget about our bag community either, where IBD baddies need to have proper toilets to be able to drain their ostomies and have areas where they can lay out their materials for a change.
The U.S. needs to start changing its public bathroom policies. I will keep speaking up and reporting every awful experience I have out in public, because there are laws out there to protect our community, such as Ally’s law. The law states that patients have the right to use an employee-only restroom when another one is not immediately available. We need more protections like this to ensure we can be safe and comfortable in the world.
In the meantime, I am focused on finding things that will work for me. I am tired and want to feel like a real human who can live her life to the fullest. Instead, I find myself scanning every new place I am in for the bathrooms, and crossing my fingers that urgency will not come out and scare me.
I want my only fears to be that my long-term partner is going to be jealous of all of the public restrooms I use and that I will make it in time to use the toilet when I am experiencing urgency.
Humans should not have to fear not finding a place to do what we all do—poop.
Katie Connelly is known in the social media realm as Badass with a Bad Ass, a brand and now a full-time business, centered around her life with Crohn’s Disease. Katie is a 30-year-old book and cat-loving, NH living, baddie! Her goal is to create an engaged and empowered community while focusing on helping anyone who needs support advocating for themselves in any setting, especially when it comes to workplace accommodations.
